Repeated Ice

"Alright stop, collaborate and listen".  The beat and the rhyme had me hooked.  "Ice Ice Baby" was the first real rap song that I had heard.  My youth until that point had consisted only of country music.  But I was really digging this song.  The older kids were listening to it, it seemed that almost everyone I knew was listening to it.  I had to get my hands on it.  But how?  I decided to beg and plead, and for the first and only time in my life, it worked.  The miracle workers were in full effect because Dad bought each of us the cassette single.  Rap was completely beyond his comprehension, I still have no idea why to this day he bought it for us.  To thank him for buying it, we played it constantly.  I could see him cringe every time we pressed the play button.  Vanilla Ice still influences my life to this day.  Anytime I say, "Alright stop" to Elisabeth she responds with, "Collaborate and listen."

Ice Ice Baby Video

Of Aliens And Windows

The fate of the free world lie in my five year old hands.  The evil alien monsters had advanced and were on the other side of the trailer we lived in.  The only thing that stood between them and me was fifteen feet of wood and tin.  I looked for a weapon, anything.  My brother and I decided on rocks.  Surely if a small rock could take down Goliath, then we could defeat an alien horde with our driveway.  We began throwing the rocks over the trailers, taking out the monsters one by one.  Then suddenly the tide turned.  I let loose a rock and heard a crash.  I knew instantly that the battle was over and we were doomed.  In an instant, I had broken the bathroom window while simultaneously emptying my life savings of eighty dollars.

Wrestling With An Angel

I found myself on my back.  I had given a valiant effort, but it was nowhere near enough.  I felt beaten down.  I'm not quite sure why I put myself in this position.  Maybe I deserved this, maybe I didn't.  Either way, I was about to be defeated.  Defeat brings about a myriad of negative emotions and thoughts.  The tide had turned so quickly.  One second I'm in control, the next I'm laid out flat.  Elisabeth had requested that we play wrestle on the bed and before I knew it she hit her finishing move.  Now she stood over me.  She put on foot on my chest, looked down at me, and said, "You want an autograph, kid?"  I had been trash talked by my own seven year old daughter.

Imposter Turtles

"Wait!  What?!  He's coming here?!?  Are the rest coming too??  Can we see him?  Please!  Please!".  I was around nine years old and it seemed the impossible was about to happen.  I could not believe my ears, my heart was beating out of my chest, my mind was racing, and it was all I could do to keep myself from jumping all over the place.  I had just been informed that Michelangelo, one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, was coming to town.  My head had a million questions running through it.  How could this be?  North Carolina is no where close to New York.  Where were the others?  Were they were visiting other towns?  Had the Shredder finally been defeated for good?  We all piled into the car and headed to the video rental store to see him.  I barely waited for the car to stop before I jumped out and sprinted towards the door.  The line wrapped around most of the building.  I waited, but I did not wait patiently.  Finally we were inside and within twenty feet of a great superhero.  I got up close, collected an autograph, and tried to eek out a few questions.  My voice and my brain no longer connected.  Collectively they had failed me.  I moved out of the way so others could bask in Michelangelo's presence.  On my way out, I was kicking myself for not saying anything.  Then my eyes caught something.  It was just a small something.  It reflected the light into my eyes.  It was the zipper of the costume.  I had met an imposter!  My brain and voice had not failed me, instead they had prevented me from spilling my secrets to one of Shredder's Foot Soldiers.

Chlorine and Stitches

My mother, in her infinite wisdom, sent my brother and I to summer camp at the YMCA.  I was able to meet new people, have many adventures, and even learned how to swim there.  I had a love/hate relationship with that pool.  One time I had to evacuate the pool so that I could empty my bladder.  I hurried out of the pool and back to the locker room.  After what seemed forever, my bladder was emptied and I headed back to the pool.  For some reason, I felt the need to run back towards the water, passing a "Do Not Run Near Pool' sign along the way.  I found my feet slipping out from under me.  I was suddenly on my back and sliding on the tile floor.  I felt like a bowling ball headed towards a set of pins.  All at once, I came to a complete stop.  My head had punctured the glass door that separated the pool from the locker room.  I would require five stitches to close the gap in my head.  I learned two lessons that day, never run around pools and no matter how much a doctor says it won't hurt, they're lying.

Ears 'R US

When I was little I had a whole lot of ear infections.  Eventually this required more than one set of tubes in my ears.  The doctors inserted the first set and by design they would fall out over a period of time.  I don't remember having my first set inserted, but I do remember the second set.  We arrived at the hospital, were checked in, and waited for the pre-op.  A nurse came around to ease my and Mom's nerves.  They knew the path to my heart.  I was offered my pick of any toy in the box that she was carrying with her.  But, I had misheard her, I thought she had said to get a toy for each ear.  Imagine my joy!  Two toys and a hospital visit, it couldn't get much better than this!  The nurse eventually left to attend to other patients.  My mother turned to me and to her horror there I was with two toys instead of the one I was supposed to get.  What did Mom do now?  What could she do?  She did what any other parent would.  She stuck the second toy in her purse and didn't say a word to anyone.  I know I haven't said this before, so I will now.  "Thanks, Mom!".